I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.

— Kurt Vonnegut