Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to
me, why should you not speak to me?
And why should I not speak to you?
[From Leaves of Grass]
Stranger, if you passing meet me and desire to speak to
me, why should you not speak to me?
And why should I not speak to you?
[From Leaves of Grass]
In the first version, Persephone
is taken from her mother
and the goddess of the earth
punishes the earth—this is
consistent with what we known of human behavior,
that human beings take profound satisfaction
in doing harm, particularly
unconscious harm:
we may call this
negative creation.
Persephone’s initial
sojourn in hell continues to be
pawed over by scholars who dispute
the sensations of the virgin:
did she cooperate in her rape,
or was she drugged, violated against her will,
as happens so often now to modern girls.
As is well known, the return of the beloved
does not correct
the loss of the beloved: Persephone
returns home
stained with red juice like
a character in Hawthorne—
I am not certain I will
keep this word: is earth
”home” to Persephone? Is she at home, conceivable,
in the bed of the god? Is she
at home nowhere? Is she
a born wanderer, in other words
an existential
replica of her own mother, less
hamstrung by ideas of causality?
You are allowed to like
no one, you know. The characters
are not people.
They are aspects of a dilemma or conflict.
Three parts: just as the soul is divided,
ego, superego, id. Likewise
the three levels of the known world,
a kind of diagram that separates
heaven from earth from hell.
You must ask yourself:
where is it snowing?
White of forgetfulness,
of desecration—
It is snowing on earth; the cold wind says
Persephone is having sex in hell.
Unlike the rest of us, she doesn’t know
what winter is, only that
she is what causes it.
She is lying in the bed of Hades.
What is in her mind?
Is she afraid? Has something
blotted out the idea
of mind?
She does know the earth
is run by mothers, this much
is certain. She also knows
she is not what is called
a girl any longer. Regarding
incarceration, she believes
she has been a prisoner since she has been a daughter.
The terrible reunions in store for her
will take up the rest of her life.
When the passion for expiation
is chronic, fierce, you do not choose
the way you live. You do not live;
you are not allowed to die.
You drift between earth and death
which seem, finally,
strangely alike. Scholars tell us
that there is no point in knowing what you want
when the forces contending over you
could kill you.
White of forgetfulness,
white of safety—
They say
there is a rift in the human soul
which was not constructed to belong
entirely to life. Earth
Asks us to deny this rift, a threat
disguised as suggestion—
As we have seen
in the tale of Persephone
which should be read
As an argument between the mother and the lover—
the daughter is just meat.
When death confronts her, she has never seen
the meadow without the daisies.
Suddenly she is no longer
singing her maidenly songs.
about her mother’s
beauty and fecundity. Where
the rift is, the break is.
Song of the earth,
song of the mystic vision of eternal life—
My soul
shattered with the strain
of trying to belong to earth—
What will you do,
when it is your turn in the field with the god?
[From Averno]
126
No problem has a solution. None of us can untie the Gordian knot; all of us either give up or cut it. We use our feelings indiscriminately to resolve problems of our intelligence, and we do it because we are tired of thinking or because we are too timid to draw conclusions, out of an absurd [?] necessity to find a support, or out of a gregarious impulse to return to the others and to life.
Since we can never know all the elements in a problem, we can never solve it. We lack the data necessary to attain the truth as well as the intellectual processes that would exhaust the interpretation of those data.
— Bernardo Soares (Fernando Pessoa), The Book of Disquiet
154
An aesthetic quietism with regard to life, which enables us to think that the insults and humiliations inflicted on us by life and the living merely reach a contemptible periphery of our sensibility, a remote exterior of our conscious soul.
— Bernardo Soares (Fernando Pessoa), The Book of Disquiet
165
I look for myself, but I do not find myself. I belong to chrysanthemum hours, clearly delineated in long rows of vases. I must make something decorative of my soul.
I don’t know what overly /pompous/ and well-chosen details define the substance of my spirit. My love for the ornamental exists, no doubt, because I feel in it something identical to the substance of my soul.
— Bernardo Soares (Fernando Pessoa), The Book of Disquiet
Beck – Movie Theme (the Information)
Fleet Foxes – Tiger Mountain Peasant Song (Fleet Foxes)
M83 – Kim & Jessie (Saturdays = Youth)
Bjork – Who Is It? (Medulla)
Amadou & Miriam – Sabali (Welcome to Mali)
Radiohead – Sit Down, Stand Up (Hail To the Thief)
Bon Iver – Re: Stacks (For Emma, Forever Ago)
Led Zeppelin – In the Light (Physical Graffiti)
Autechre – Laughing Quarter (Envane)
Andrew Bird – Plasiticites (Armchair Apocrypha)
Beck – Movie Theme (the Information)
Colleen- Summer Water
Jens Lekman- Another Sweet Summer’s Night On Hammer Hill
Lee Hazlewood- Summer Nights
Al Green- Feels Like Summer
Love- Bummer In The Summer
Brave Belt- Summer Soldier
Marc Bolan & T Rex- Celebrate Summer
Eddie Cochran- Summertime Blues
The Who- Summertime Blues
Guitar Wolf- Summertime Blues
Outsiders- Summertime Blues
Blue Cheer- Summertime Blues
Alex Chilton- Summertime Blues
Eddie Cochran- Summertime Blues
Jens Lekman- A Sweet Summers Night On Hammer Hill
Michael Kelly Brewer- I Survived The South Bass Island Summer Of 82
Belle & Sebastian- A Summer Wasting
Ross Johnson- Theme From A Summer Place
Rob Crow- Over the Summer
Girl Talk- Summer Smoke
Lee Hazlewood- Summer Wine
Little Free Rock- Roman Summer Nights
Grandaddy- Summer Here Kids
Beat Happening- Indian Summer
Girl Talk- Summer Smoke
Caural- Summer On Cassette
Prince- Sex In The Summer
Jimi Hendrix- Long Hot Summer Night
Of Montreal- Oslo In The Summertime
Pavement- Summer Babe
R. Kelly- Summer Bunnies
Curtis Mayfield- Summer Hot
YACHT- Summer Song
ABBA- Summer Night City
Animal Collective- Summertime Clothes
Yes, if I had been rich, protected, brushed, ornamental, I wouldn’t even have been this brief episode of pretty paper amid bread crumbs; I would have remained on a plate of the kind “No, thank you very much,” and I would have taken myself to the sideboard to grow old. Thus, rejected after they’d eaten my practical core, I go with the dust that remains of Christ’s body to the trash bin, and I don’t even imagine what happens next, and among what stars; but it’s always a matter of going on.
— Bernardo Soares (Fernando Pessoa), The Book of Disquiet
Then they discussed their situation for a long time, trying to think how they could get rid of the necessity for hiding, deception, living in different towns, being so long without meeting. How were they to shake off these intolerable fetters?
“How? How?” he repeated, clutching his head. “How?”
And it seemed to them that they were within an inch of arriving at a decision, and that then a new, beautiful life would begin. And they both realized that the end was still far, far away, and that the hardest, the most complicated part was only just beginning.
— Anton Chekov, “The Lady with the Dog”
244
Fragments of an Autobiography
At first, metaphysical speculations amused me, then scientific notions. finally, sociological (…) attracted me. But in none of these stages of my quest for truth did I find assurance or relief. I read little about any of my concerns. But in the little I did read, I was worn out by seeing so many contradictory theories, all based on well-developed ideas, all of them equally probable and in accord with a certain school of facts that always had the air of being all the facts. If I raised my tired eyes from the books or if my perturbed attention wandered from my thoughts toward the exterior world, I saw only one thing, which contradicted any utility there might have been in reading and thinking, tearing off, one by one, the petals of the idea and the effort: the infinite complexity of things, the immense quantity (…), the prolix intangibility of the very few facts one could imagine as necessary for the foundation of a science.
— Bernardo Soares (Fernando Pessoa), The Book of Disquiet
109
[3.24.1930]
Receiving what I felt to be an inspiration and a liberation, I passively reread those simple verses by Caeiro, his natural account of the results of the small size of his village. He says that because his village is small, it’s possible to see more of the world from it than from a city. Therefore, the village is larger than the city…
Because I am the size of what I see
And not the size of my own height.
Words like these, which seem to grow without there having to be a will reciting them, cleanse me of all the metaphysics I spontaneously add to life. After reading them, I walk to my window over the narrow street, gaze out at the huge sky and the myriad stars, and I am free, with a winged splendor whose vibration shakes my entire body.
“I am the size of what I see!” Every time I think these words with all the attention of my nerves, they seem to me more destined to reconstruct the universe in constellated fashion. “I am the size of what I see!” What a grand mental possession extends from the well of profound emotions to the high stars reflected in it, and which, in a way, are inside it.
And just now, aware of knowing how to see, I observe the vast, objective metaphysics of the entire sky with an assurance that gives me the will to die singing. “I am the size of what I see!” And the vague moonlight, entirely my own, begins to ruin the blue half-black of the horizon with vagueness.
I feel a desire to raise my arms and shout things of an unknown savagery, say words to the great mysteries, affirm a new, vast personality to the grand space of empty matter.
But I recover my senses and relax. “I am the size of what I see!” And the phrase becomes my entire soul, I invest all the emotions I feel in it, and above me, within, as if over the city outside, falls the undecipherable peace of the hard moonlight that begins broadly with nightfall.
— Bernardo Soares (Fernando Pessoa), The Book of Disquiet
1.
Is it winter again, is it cold again,
didn’t Frank just slip on the ice,
didn’t he heal, weren’t the spring seeds planted
didn’t the night end,
didn’t the melting ice
flood the narrow gutters
wasn’t my body
rescued, wasn’t it safe
didn’t the scar form, invisible
above the injury
terror and cold,
didn’t they just end, wasn’t the back garden
harrowed and planted–
I remember how the earth felt, red and dense,
in stiff rows, weren’t the seeds planted,
didn’t vines climb the south wall
I can’t hear your voice
for the wind’s cries, whistling over the bare ground
I no longer care
what sound it makes
when I was silenced, when did it first seem
pointless to describe that sound
what it sounds like can’t change what it is–
didn’t the night end, wasn’t the earth
safe when it was planted
didn’t we plant the seeds,
weren’t we necessary to the earth,
the vines, were they harvested?
.
2.
Summer after summer has ended,
balm after violence:
it does me no good
to be good to me now;
violence has changed me.
Daybreak. The low hills shine
ochre and fire, even the fields shine.
I know what I see; sun that could be
the August sun, returning
everything that was taken away —
You hear this voice? This is my mind’s voice;
you can’t touch my body now.
It has changed once, it has hardened,
don’t ask it to respond again.
A day like a day in summer.
Exceptionally still. The long shadows of the maples
nearly mauve on the gravel paths.
And in the evening, warmth. Night like a night in summer.
It does me no good; violence has changed me.
My body has grown cold like the stripped fields;
now there is only my mind, cautious and wary,
with the sense it is being tested.
Once more, the sun rises as it rose in summer;
bounty, balm after violence.
Balm after the leaves have changed, after the fields
have been harvested and turned.
Tell me this is the future,
I won’t believe you.
Tell me I’m living,
I won’t believe you.
.
3.
Snow had fallen. I remember
music from an open window.
Come to me, said the world.
This is not to say
it spoke in exact sentences
but that I perceived beauty in this manner.
Sunrise. A film of moisture
on each living thing. Pools of cold light
formed in the gutters.
I stood
at the doorway,
ridiculous as it now seems.
What others found in art,
I found in nature. What others found
in human love, I found in nature.
Very simple. But there was no voice there.
Winter was over. In the thawed dirt,
bits of green were showing.
Come to me, said the world. I was standing
in my wool coat at a kind of bright portal —
I can finally say
long ago; it gives me considerable pleasure. Beauty
the healer, the teacher —
death cannot harm me
more than you have harmed me,
my beloved life.
.
4.
The light has changed;
middle C is tuned darker now.
And the songs of morning sound over-rehearsed. —
This is the light of autumn, not the light of spring.
The light of autumn: you will not be spared.
The songs have changed; the unspeakable
has entered them.
This is the light of autumn, not the light that says
I am reborn.
Not the spring dawn: I strained, I suffered, I was delivered.
This is the present, an allegory of waste.
So much has changed. And still, you are fortunate:
the ideal burns in you like a fever.
Or not like a fever, like a second heart.
The songs have changed, but really they are still quite beautiful.
They have been concentrated in a smaller space, the space of the mind.
They are dark, now, with desolation and anguish.
And yet the notes recur. They hover oddly
in anticipation of silence.
The ear gets used to them.
The eye gets used to disappearances.
You will not be spared, nor will what you love be spared.
A wind has come and gone, taking apart the mind;
it has left in its wake a strange lucidity.
How priviledged you are, to be passionately
clinging to what you love;
the forfeit of hope has not destroyed you.
Maestro, doloroso:
This is the light of autumn; it has turned on us.
Surely it is a privilege to approach the end
still believing in something.
.
5.
It is true that there is not enough beauty in the world.
It is also true that I am not competent to restore it.
Neither is there candor, and here I may be of some use.
I am
at work, though I am silent.
The bland
misery of the world
bounds us on either side, an alley
lined with trees; we are
companions here, not speaking,
each with his own thoughts;
behind the trees, iron
gates of the private houses,
the shuttered rooms
somehow deserted, abandoned,
as though it were the artist’s
duty to create
hope, but out of what? what?
the word itself
false, a device to refute
perception — At the intersection,
ornamental lights of the season.
I was young here. Riding
the subway with my small book
as though to defend myself against
the same world:
you are not alone,
the poem said,
in the dark tunnel.
.
6.
The brightness of the day becomes
the brightness of the night;
the fire becomes the mirror.
My friend the earth is bitter; I think
sunlight has failed her.
Bitter or weary, it is hard to say.
Between herself and the sun,
something has ended.
She wants, now, to be left alone;
I think we must give up
turning to her for affirmation.
Above the fields,
above the roofs of the village houses,
the brilliance that made all life possible
becomes the cold stars.
Lie still and watch:
they give nothing but ask nothing.
From within the earth’s
bitter disgrace, coldness and barrenness
my friend the moon rises:
she is beautiful tonight, but when is she not beautiful?
[From Averno]
Under his buckskin riding-coat he wore a black vest and the cravat and collar of a churchman. A young priest, at his devotions; and a priest in a thousand, one knew at a glance. His bowed head was not that of an ordinary man, — it was built for the seat of a fine intelligence. His brow was open, generous, reflective, his features handsome and somewhat severe. There was a singular elegance about the hands below the fringed cuffs of the buckskin jacket. Everything showed him to be a man of gentle birth — brave, sensitive, courteous. His manners, even when he was alone in the desert, were distinguished. He had a kind of courtesy toward himself, toward his beasts, toward the juniper tree before which he knelt, and the God whom he was addressing.
— Willa Cather, Death Comes for the Archbishop
108
At times, not that I hope for it or should hope for it, the suffocation of the vulgar seizes my throat and I experience physical nausea because of the voice or face of a so-called fellow human being. Direct physical nausea, felt directly in my stomach and in my head, stupid miracle of my awakened sensibility… Each individual who speaks to me, each face whose eyes stare at me, affects me like an insult or like some filth. I make horror overflow from everything. I become stupefied from feeling myself feel them.
And it happens, almost always, in those moments of stomach desolation, that there is a man, a woman, even a child who appears before me like a real representative of the banality that agonizes me. Not a representative because of my subjective, thought emotion, but because of an objective truth, really conforming on the outside with what I feel within that arises by means of sympathetic magic and brings me an example for the abstract case I’m thinking of.
— Bernardo Soares (Fernando Pessoa), The Book of Disquiet
“Middletown is run by a magical brotherhood. You will hear about white and black lodges, the right-hand path and the left-hand path. Believe me, there is no such sharp line. However, the Middletown Brothers would not allow themselves to be placed in a position where they would need to use the usual methods of black magic. Once you achieve body control you don’t need that.
“There is no formal initiation into the Brotherhood. Initiation comes through dream guides. At the age of fourteen, when I began to have dreams that culminated in ejaculation, I decided to learn control of the sexual energy. If I could achieve orgasm at will in the waking state, I could do the same in dreams and control my dreams instead of being controlled by them.
“To accomplish sexual control, I abstained from masturbation. In order to achieve orgasm, it is simply necessary to relive a previous orgasm. So while awake, I would endeavor to project myself into sexual dreams, which I was now having several times a week. It was some months before I acquired sufficient concentration to get results.
“One day I was lying naked on my bed, feeling a warm spring wind on my body and watching leaf shadows dance on the wall. I ran through a sex dream like reciting my ABCs when suddenly silver spots boiled in front of my eyes and I experienced a feeling of weakness in the chest — the dying feeling — and I am slipping into my self in the dream and go off.
“Having brought sexual energy under control I now had the key to body control. Errors, fumbles, and ineptitudes are caused by uncontrolled sexual energy which then lays one open to any sort of psychic or physical attack. I went on to bring speech under control, to be used when I want it, not yammering in my ear at all times or twisting tunes and jingles in my brain.
“I used the same method of projecting myself into a time when my mind seemed empty of words. This I would do while walking in the woods or paddling on the lake. Once again, I waited some time for results. One day as I was paddling on the lake and about to put out fishlines, I felt the weakness in my chest, silver spots appeared in front of my eyes with a vertiginous sensation of being sucked into a vast empty space where words do not exist.”
— Wiliiam S. Burroughs, Cities of the Red Night