I used to love music, back when it had melody and chords and lyrics. But now it has no melody and no chords, just thwack-thwacking, and they even seem to be cutting back on the thwack-thwacking, so now it’s sometimes just thwa, and as far as lyrics, do you consider these lyrics?

Hump my bump,
My stumpy lumpy lumpy hump!
Hump my dump, you lumpy slumpy dump!
I’ll dump your hump, and then just hump your dump,
You lumpy frumply clump.

I’m sorry. To me? Those are not lyrics. In my day, lyrics were used to expressed real emotion, like the emotion of being totally stoned and trying to talk this totally stoned chick into sleeping with you in the name of love, which lasted forever, if only you held on to your dreams.

— George Saunders, “Nostalgia,” from The Braindead Megaphone

[Editor’s Note: This is funnier if you are familiar with “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas]